Honesty

I have had a few short moments to myself in the last 48 hours. I think that the rubber is hitting the road. I'm not depressed, but when I'm on my own and can hear myself think, I find that I'm really struggling. I don't understand why things didn't go perfectly for Katie and Mitch with baby Ruby, and I don't understand why our church is closing. 

Our friend Mike G. was over the other night and asked me some very hard questions. He also told me that both being angry with God and continuing to demand God's answer to "Why?" is unproductive. Coming from anyone else, I would have dismissed that as a pat answer to my struggle, but from Mike I know it is genuine and personal. It was really good for me to listen as he asked the same questions twice - once to me, once to Josh - and we had very different answers. Josh is firm with his faith, his view of things, his take on it all. Me, not so much.

Mike asked me what God is to me now. I know that God exists, and I know that God is good, but I simply cannot reconcile that with the things that have occurred. It makes no sense.